Objection. Sustained. Overruled. We Just Don't Give A Fuck.
THE SLIM SHADY LLP
WHY WE ARE THE REP-GOD:
• DEEPLY FAMILIAR WITH The justice system.
• FREQUENT COURTROOM PARTICIPANTS.
A Part of Marshall, marshall and Marshall group (MmM)
VILLAIN MONOLOGUE LITIGATION
We talk for six uninterrupted minutes.
Closing arguments delivered at 6.46 words per second.
Cross-examinations: 97 words in 15 seconds.
The prosecution requests a water break.
We deny it.
DISS-TRACK LITIGATION
We respond in bars.
You file a claim.
We file a verse.
The courtroom becomes a studio.
The judge nods involuntarily.
The jury leaves humming.
Exhibits submitted in 16-count increments.
Rebuttals mixed and mastered.
The opposing counsel deletes their Instagram and switches genres. Their career is dead. That's what you get for fucking with Shady.
SANDWICH LITIGATION
We replace the evidence with a sandwich. Then we give everyone mushrooms.
The sandwich testifies.
It is very convincing.
The jury stands up and applauds the mustard.
OUR SPECIALTIES
STAN-DARD HIGH PROFILE CASES: THE STATE v. DRE
Exhibits from the historic day we saved Dre's ass in court.
"DR. DRE GETS ARRESTED-
-FOR MURDER OF THIS SILLY-LOOKING N**** ON THE RIGHT."
Prospective client requested immediate legal counsel..
Dre's mugshot
"MAN HE HELLA UGLY BUT I AIN'T KILL HIM"
Charge: First-Degree Murder
Plea: Not Guilty
Weapon: The Chainsaw from "Godzilla" MV
Suspected Motive: "BIG-ASS FOREHEAD"
FINAL VERDICT
After 6 minutes of aggressive nodding from the jury,
NOT GUILTY.
The courtroom is now a food court. Please collect your complimentary breadstick.
SOME OF OUR HAPPY CLIENTS
“They said, ‘Innocent until proven unmarketable.
I am currently evading three jurisdictions, but he let me eat his ass.
Would hire again.”
—Ken "Kenneth" Kaniff, CT.
"Legally, they are questionable. Emotionally, they are my brothers in arms. My lawsuit against the concept of Mondays was won 3 hours ago, but they haven't stopped yelling at the judge yet." - Garfield.
"I wanted to sue my own reflection for following me around. Every other firm laughed. Slim Shady LLP already filed the paperwork. We're going to trial in November." - Narcissus.
WE WIN SOME. WE LOSE SOME.
"The Slim Shady LLP promised me I'd win my case against a toaster. I lost every penny and now the toaster owns my car, but they gave me a sick holographic sticker. 10/10 would sue kitchen appliances again."
— B. S. Tryal, Defeated Client
NO REFUNDS*WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANGRY TOASTERS*ADVICE MAY BE ILLEGAL*ANY RESEMBLANCE TO ACTUAL LEGAL COUNSEL IS PURELY ACCIDENTAL*CASES ON THIS SITE ARE FICTIONAL*WE ARE LIARS*MR. SLIM IS NOT LIABLE FOR EMOTIONAL DAMAGES FROM MONDAYS*HOLOGRAPHIC STICKERS NOT EXCHANGEABLE FOR MONEY*WE ACCEPT BRIBES IN CANDIES AND VINYLS*DON'T SEND US YOUR MIXTAPES*
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